#40 completed

The Dancing Robot

The Rite of Spring is a ballet and orchestral concert by the Russian composer Igor Stravinsky. Last weekend, I saw the production at Stadsteatern in Stockholm, Sweden.

I first heard about this performance when a colleague sent me a short film from the rehearsals of the first act. At that time I was still in chemo treatment and not in the best shape. The film clip was captivating, and I decided that I wanted to see the show when I got better.

From the rehearsals

The first act is a newly composed duet between an ABB industrial robot and Henrik “Benke” Rydman, a renowned Swedish choreograph and dancer. The robot is normally used in the industry, mainly for welding and material handling, but in this performance it turns out to be an excellent dance partner. I found it a very cool and fascinating way of showcasing human and robot collaboration, and it felt almost like the robot was a person.

For me, who has worked with robots and technology all my life, it was also interesting to see how the latest software technology had been utilized, to enable the dancer to safely coexist in the same space as the robot.

The Rite of Spring

The Rite of Spring is considered one of the greatest works of the 20th century, a ballet so revolutionary it is said to have caused a riot at its premiere in Paris 1913.

The production in Stockholm is a street dance version of the Rite of Spring (Våroffer in Swedish) with twenty dancers and a lot of water! No riots have been reported yet, but it is a fantastic show. Very powerful and moving performance, about the circle of life. No surprise it has been sold out since the beginning in August.

Thank you Joakim for booking tickets, and thank you Marie-Louise and Hans for a lovely evening! I am very fortunate to have you as friends.

Action 40 is completed.

Not a bad hair day

Haircut

Today I had my first haircut in ten months! You might think I am crazy, but for me this is a major event and it means a lot to me. When I started chemotherapy in February, I was told that I would lose my hair. Losing the hair is dreadful and something I think most cancer patients fear. It should be mentioned that not all chemotherapies cause hair loss. It depends on the drugs, number of cycles and infusion time.

The old version of me

Chemotherapy works by targeting all rapidly dividing cells in the body. Hair is the second fastest dividing cell, which is why many chemotherapy drugs cause complete hair loss. Maybe you have heard that you can use a cold cap to prevent or reduce hair loss from some chemotherapy drugs? Before, during and after the chemotherapy infusions, you wear a closely fitted cap, cooled by a chilled liquid, to slow the blood flow to your scalp. This way, chemotherapy drugs are less likely to have an effect on your hair. In my case, a cold cap was never an option, because of the type of chemo drugs I got.

Hair loss

My hair started falling off ten days after the first chemo treatment. I still remember the moment vividly, as I was taking a shower and putting my hand through my hair, and big chunks feel out. I was sure I would have big bald spots, but that was not the case. Instead of gradually seeing my hair falling off, I asked one of my daughters to shave it all off. It was a surrealistic feeling, seeing myself bald. It felt like a stab at my identity, as I could neither recognized myself nor felt like myself any longer.

The bald version of me

As the treatments progressed, I lost more and more body hair, and at the end I only had two eyelashes on one eye and one on the other. In Switzerland, all cancer patients are offered to try out a wig prior to chemo start, and the health insurance covers the cost. I tried out a wig, but I never wore it. At the beginning, after losing my hair, I used head scarves and hats all the time, but gradually I accepted the fact that I was bald.

The toughest thing with being bald was that it became so obvious for everybody I met, that I was ill and had cancer. I felt that I got the "pity look" from many people. I felt as if there was absolutely no reason to pity me. Cancer is cancer, and I have just tried to endure and to make the best out of it.

Return of hair

My hair started growing back about two months after my last chemotherapy. At first it was just a thin, fuzzy hair, but later real hair starting growing.

The new version of me

I have always had thin, light hair but my new hair is a lot thicker. I have also a slightly lighter color and curls! I know that this difference in hair quality most likely is temporarily but I will enjoy my thick, curly hair as long as I can! I have also realized that I have had my parting in the wrong direction for twenty years! 

Scanxiety

Live and cope with for a long time

For the coming years, I will have to do checkups every third month. For me, the checkup is either a Computed Tomography scan (CT-scan) or an ultrasound scan of my stomach and chest, plus blood tests and a meeting with my oncologist. 

This week I had my first checkup after finished treatment. The time just before the scan and while waiting for the results, is a time of worry and uneasiness. The question: Is the cancer back? keeps running through my head. This worry and tension has even got its own name: scanxiety. In my case, I will have to live with scanxiety for many years. 

It is a bit frustrating that I cannot influence if my cancer comes back or not. I wish my doctor would say "if you eat broccoli and run five kilometers a day, cancer will stay away", but that is unfortunately not the case. I can only hope that I am one of the lucky ones and try to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Celebration time

The outcome of my scan was excellent with no signs of new tumors! A very good reason to celebrate. First, I went to a café with a good friend and had a big piece of chocolate cake and in the evening my husband and I had a glass of champagne. Now I can relax and enjoy the time until the next scan.

Cancer research

I try to ignore the depressing statistics for my type of cancer as much as I can. I focus on the fact that I am alive, that life is to be enjoyed, that statistics are mainly numbers made out of patients older than I am, and that cancer research is making progress day by day. By the way, if you do not already support cancer research, contribute! 

In Sweden: Cancerfonden

In Switzerland: Krebsliga

In the UK: Cancer Research UK

One out of three persons will get a cancer diagnosis and the good news is that two out of three that are diagnosed will survive! This is mainly thanks to successful cancer research.

Bye-bye Davos

Time to reflect

I have earlier written about the strength I get from being in the nature, see link.

Autumn colors

During the weeks I spent in the Alps in Davos, this became even more accentuated. As I was on my own, away from family and friends for a longer time, I had plenty of time to reflect and to try to really grasp what I have experienced during my time of illness. It for sure has been a roller-coaster ride with demanding surgeries and treatments, but also plenty of joyful moments together with family and friends. I have learned a lot about myself and how much I physically and mentally can endure and yet manage to be happy and optimistic.

Three seasons in a few weeks

Davos showcased three seasons: summer, autumn and winter, within just a few weeks.

Winter in Davos

When I arrived, it was 25 degrees and I could sit outside at the terrace in T-shirt and shorts. A few days later autumn struck with lower temperatures, clear, bright sky and the leaves changed color from green to yellow and orange. When I left, it was winter, -3 degrees and lots of snow. The skiing season will probably start in just a few weeks. Davos offers plenty of slopes for alpine skiing and it is also well-known for its cross country tracks. 

New friends

I have been fortunate to have met some fantastic people during my weeks of cancer rehabilitation. Without them, my time in Davos would not have been filled with so much laughter and fun. They have encountered life threatening diseases and have gone through tough surgeries and treatments, but all of them are optimists and really know how to appreciate the beauty and joy every single day brings.

A big thank you: Franziska, Katharina, Nurcan and Sandra for who you are and for the great time we spent together. See you soon!

Summer in Davos (Sertig Tal)

#7 completed but everlasting

Life is precious

When I got my cancer diagnose, I was brutally confronted with the preciousness of life and the fact that tomorrow is not a guarantee. After a while, I realized that I had taken some things for granted, such as being able to spend time with my family and friends. When you read My Survival List, you can see that reflected in that many of my activities involve family and close friends.

Making the best out of every day life

With my husband, I felt it was important not to focus on a major one-time action, such as a trip, but making the best out of our every day life together. Both of us wanted to spend more time together creating new, joyful, common memories. As we share an interest for nature, sports, music, theatre, movies and good food, we have been prioritizing these areas and have done something together almost every week.

Donald Sutherland at the Film Festival

Over the last months we have enjoyed several plays and musicals, a Mozart piano concert, have tasted cheese, chocolate, wine and sausages at Food Festivals, and have had nice dinners. We got star-struck at Zürich Film Festival, when Donald Sutherland was awarded the 2018 Lifetime Achievement Award. However, we also watched three really good movies that had Swiss premiere at the Festival: Colette, The Leisure Seeker and Young Astrid.




Whenever I have felt strong enough, we have been taking walks in our neighborhood and have of course been hiking in the stunningly beautiful Swiss Alps. 

Hiking in Davos

I am glad and extremely thankful that we did get this chance to create everlasting memories, and of course that we continue to have a great time together! Action 7 is completed but we will definitely continue along this path.

#37 completed

Cancer Rehabilitation

In Switzerland, it is relatively common that patients recover and rehabilitate at a Rehabilitation Center after being treated at the hospital. This typically applies to people, who have had a major surgery or a stroke. However, centers also specialize, in things such as the rehabilitation of cancer patients, after surgery or after chemotherapy.

Workout

Before this summer, I would have never thought I would have a cancer rehabilitation center on My Survival List. However, my oncologist thought I would considerably benefit from a few weeks recovery under professional supervision, thus referring me to a Cancer Rehabilitation Center in Davos.

After having learned a bit more about the content and structure of a cancer rehabilitation center, I felt it should be on My Survival List. After some paperwork and dialogue with my doctor, my insurance company approved and last week I got to go.

The Center in Davos

The Rehabilitation Center in Davos can host 100 patients. Every patient gets a daily, individual program, tailored after each person's capabilities and needs. In my case, the whole setup is done to improve physical- and mental strength. Therefore, I have several fitness activities, such as endurance- and muscle strengthening workouts, as well as mindfulness- and therapy sessions.

Wild-growing yarrow

The doctors at this center promote both traditional- and herbal medicine, hence I have been prescribed to drink yarrow- as well as ginger tea. In addition, I should take a daily foot bath with a special salt. All this to help detoxify my liver from the chemotherapy drugs. 

All patients are encouraged to enjoy the wonderful, alpine landscape as much as possible, as nature has a positive impact on recovery. 

Fall in Davos

As you can see, the scenery this time of the year is stunning, as the beautiful fall colors are starting to appear in all the larches and blueberry bushes.

I am well on my way to complete Action 37 and hope to come home a bit stronger!

#14 completed

Cinnamon bun day

I am not a big fan of sweet, baked goods but I love cinnamon buns! In Sweden, the cinnamon bun even has it own annual day on October 4th. If you are in Sweden on that day you would find cinnamon buns for sale everywhere: in cafes, restaurants and convenience stores. All grocery stores would certainly display the necessary ingredients for baking your own cinnamon buns.

Home-baked cinnamon buns

The annual day was invented in 1999 by the Home Baking Council (Hembakningsrådet), an organization for producers of baking ingredients. They wanted to create a baking tradition in honor of their 40th anniversary. They talked to bakers and all sorts of ordinary people, and asked what good first came to mind when thinking of baking at home. Naturally, the cinnamon bun was the clear winner, and the annual day was designed.

Swedish tradition

Swedish cinnamon buns and American cinnamon rolls are not the same. The Swedish version is less sticky and sweet. It normally has grains of pearl sugar as opposed to frosting or glaze as topping. I like to bake and occasionally I would make cinnamon buns. It requires a few hours, but cinnamon buns are relatively easy to bake. Basically an enriched dough is rolled out thin and filled with a spiced sugar and butter paste. Baked in the oven and enjoyed while still slightly warm!

My mom and I share the passion and fondness for cinnamon buns. We try to celebrate together, but do not always manage to meet in person on October 4th for coffee and cinnamon buns. This year we celebrated via FaceTime, nevertheless completing action 14!

Other annual days

If you think it is a bit weird that the cinnamon bun has its own day there are many other bizarre annual days like World day of Snowman (January 18), World Puppetry Day (March 21), Star Wars Day (May 4), International Kissing Day (July 6), and my favorite: the International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19)!